RELOCATED

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VI. Telephone

Remember when we used to live for the weekend?
Now we're working twelve to twelve.
Remember when the sun used to light the whole city?
Now it's just the fires in hell.
And remember when I never answered my phone?
Well, guess what? That's happening still.
I think about you too often; I'm crazy,
But I swear, it's against my will.

I don't even notice I'm rhyming the words,
But I suppose it's found its way into my bones.
But like I was saying, I think if you call me,
I'll consider picking up the phone.
We can go out on a Tuesday,
Unless you work Wednesdays, or if you're okay being tired that's cool.
Better yet, let's make it a Monday,
Drink some wine, watch a movie, and I'm starting to sound like a fool.
What if I play a song that you know all the words to?
Promise me you'll sing along.
I'll be way too uncomfortable to serenade you,
Plus, I'll probably play the whole thing wrong.

6/100, 17 May 2010

V. City

It's a quiet city night
In your quiet city life.
As you sleep by the quiet city lights,
I am driving past your window with the radio loud,
Stirring you from slumber
Like stars fell from the sky tonight.

So I leave my house tonight
With just a dollar and a pocket knife
And when I look into your eyes,
All I see is a kiss-collide.

5/100, 15 May 2010

IV. Sun in My Arms

I want to fall asleep with the sun in my arms.
This imaginary love can become real,
Something will finally be able to keep me warm.
Mid-May and my feet are like ice,
My hands are shaking and something is wrong.

How has time passed this quickly without anyone noticing?
School's are getting out for the summer already,
But you never came, so you never left.

4/100, 13 May 2010

III. Slight

I hate everyone.

No, not hate,
It's just an anger that comes and goes with the scent in the air before the rains.

And no, not everyone.
Not you,
Blue eyes, lips slightly parted.
I see you smiling in my sleep.

And I'm sorry that I am even capable for such heartache,
But I'm not settling for anything less
Than my dreams of soft whispers and soft kisses,
And blue eyes and slightly parted lips.

3/100, 11 May 2010

Crazy.

Am I crazy?

Two people asked me out on Tuesday within an hour of each other. It was the most awkward and frustrating experience ever because I knew they were both aware of what was going on. I told them both no, only because I have very, not even high, but specific standards. It's difficult to explain, but when I like-like someone, it has to be them, and I won't settle for less. Granted, I typically like more than one person at a time, so I still have options kind of. Because of this I'm okay with being single for the time being. It probably doesn't help that I'm not the kind of person to make a first move, but that's a different problem entirely. I just don't want to be let down.

Additionally, I spent a pretty solid amount of time on wikiHow this afternoon trying to figure out what flirting is, and how to identify it. The only conclusion I came to was that it's different for everyone. There are some things that may be pretty obvious, but even subconscious body language differs from person to person. This is where my aforementioned craziness begins. If someone repeatedly tells me that they like me and like having me around are they flirting or do they just think I'm a pretty cool person?! I know what I'm hearing, but I can't tell. I know what I want, but I can't act. Even if I flirt back, it might not even be perceived as flirting. Actually, that's probably false, considering the amount of people I have unknowingly flirted with and subsequently led on and on and on. It's a problem. And what's even weirder is the two people who asked me out Tuesday I don't believe I've flirted with or led on. One of them I'm friends with, he's an okay guy, but I don't want to get with him. The other, is a total creep that I avoided all contact with. He didn't even get a courteous response when he asked me, and I didn't feel the least bit bad saying no.

I am so glad school is done for the summer. The only real let down is that when I go back in September, only a small handful of my friends will still be there because everyone is graduating. I like new people though, so I guess I'm hoping for the best.


How about a short movie review?

I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang, released in 1932, directed by Mervyn LeRoy.

Paul Muni stars in this fantastic film. Being from 1932, I was worried about the quality of the DVD transfer, but it was crystal clear, widescreen, beautiful. The story is basically about a man who returns from the World War and refuses to return to a factory job, as much of his army time was spent doing engineering. This doesn't quite go as planned, and he ends up as a vagabond wandering from state to state. He eventually meets a man that offers to buy him a hamburger, and it is 100% clear that that is the only thing Muni's character wants. Well, as the burgers are cooking the man Muni met pulls out a gun and attempts to rob the joint, forcing Muni to empty the draw against his will. And of course, he gets caught and sentenced to several years of prison. In case the title didn't give it away, he escapes, and the movie starts to seem as though it may end happily. And from here on out the spoilers begins. Unfortunately he ends up back in prison after 8-ish years, with the promise of a 90 day pardon. He escapes again after that promise turns into a lie, and is forced to spend the rest of his life running from the police. In this respect, the movie ends on a very sour note. He sees the love of his life that he hasn't seen because he's been hiding, only to tell her that he is never going to see her again; that he is forced to steal food and clothes and only travel by the cloak of night. Overall, I thought it was a fantastic movie. Kind of similar to 1958's The Defiant Ones, but thinking about it now, that's really only because they both involve prison escapes. They would definitely make a good pair for a double feature though. Starting with this one and ending with the latter.

Alright, I believe that's all for now, I have a couple poems to post, but this was a solid post.

II. If It Was Not for You

It all makes sense now.
At some point disaster struck,
And what I thought was a miracle turned out to be a baited hook.

Songs about your shining eyes in my bed
Turn out to be filigree and bullshit.
You never heard a word
Because I never said a word.
And I know this is entirely my fault,
No matter how often I attempt to circumvent all the blame.

And it's a new face, new voice, new name every day.
So please, if you slowly and silently begin to read,
Don't fall for the wrong me,
Or the wrong line of poetry
Because if it was not for you, I cannot make it be.
So, I guess I'm sorry if someone else made you smile,
Be calm and quiet, I just need a little while
To let your hair and eyes sink into me.
Then you can hear your own words pouring from my teeth.

2/100, 10 May 2010

I. Machine

I need to return to the place I felt important,
Where something mattered,
Something counted as more than
Words on a page with a melody and a beat.
So if you smile when I sing,
Smile when I speak.
If I spoke more often then maybe
All of the thoughts in my head wouldn't drive me crazy.

So I'm back on the floor where I sat years ago,
Pen to paper, just letting the words flow
From my fingertips and into the pen
Then my heart spills out and I'm left cleaning it up again.
I want this to be passionate like it used to be,
Unlearn all the music, unlearn me.

1/100, 10 May 2010

I used to write. And in my opinion, I used to wrote pretty damn well. One time I even wrote 100 poems in 100 days. And as of today, I decided that I needed to do that again. Lately I've just been feeling shitty and uninspired, and I really find that writing not only puts me in a better mood and state of mind, but it also makes it easier to seek out inspiration and beauty in everyday life. Hopefully, this will work out as well as it did the last time. I just wrote two poems that I will most likely post here as soon as my computer feels like connectig to the Internet.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

So with the semester drawing to a close (I can count the classes I have left on one hand!), I feel like I should have something to say. This semester was by far one of the strangest I've had. By this, I mean that I feel like I changed, and I don't know how to explain it more than that. I am a different person that I was in January. I'm a different person than I was this time last year. I don't think it's an extreme kind of different, in fact, I'm probably the only one who noticed.

I feel this uncontrollable urge to leave. To travel, to disappear. I want to go somewhere and not know anyone. Walk up to someone in a book or movie store and have a conversation. A complete stranger, neither one of us hoping to get anything out of it, just two people in the same place at the same time. I need to find someone like me.

I definitely have more to say, but I have class in 5 minutes and I need to get there so I don't fail. Absolutely more to come later.

EDIT:
Okay, it's now about 2 hours later, and I'm at Panera having lunch.

But back to what I was saying.
I want to do what I want on my own time. I bought a lottery ticket last night, and when I was thinking about what I would do if I won, I realized that nothing would change. I'd still be the same person, just with more than $200 in my bank account. I don't think having money would change me. I might buy more things. I would save some, donate some, but as a whole I think I'd stay the same. And now I feel like I'm repeating myself and it's making me sound like I'm trying to convince myself of this, but that's not the case. I just really believe it, and I don't have another way to word it. Not that it's at all likely that I would win the lottery, but I had a chance. Millions of people have a chance.

I wish Upstate NY was less suburban. I went to Manchester, VT yesterday, and went in this old bookstore, and I didn't even see a chain bookstore anywhere. It was wonderful. An old building, hand written staff recommendations on everything. The kind of place I could see myself hanging out. I don't know what I'm writing this. It's like I'm trying to find some other lost soul searching the Internet for someone too. I wish I knew that someone read this, and cared. Not is a creepy way, but just to say "hey. I'm out here too."